


Forgotten

by NotEvenThat



Series: Halloween Prompts [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst Mentioned, Dead Characters, Ghosts, M/M, Mentions of past homophobia, Paranormal, Past Character Death, Past Suicide, Soulmates, suicide mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 08:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12361740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: There was a man on the subway that no one else could see besides Magnus. He never spoke. He never moved. He never looked up at all. Until one day, Magnus finally gained the courage to speak to him and that changed.





	Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> No one commits suicide but a past suicide is mentioned.

Magnus’s daily trip on the subway to work and back was.. Boring at most. Even though it was born out of necessity and not a need for fun, Magnus couldn’t help but hope that something exciting was going to happen when he stepped through those door and sat down.

Nothing ever did. The most exciting trip that Magnus ever had was one morning where a women had dropped her entire coffee on him and then spent the next ten minutes of the ride apologising. Even then though, Magnus didn’t had time to get the girl's name or to real have a conversation more than her apologizing _again._

The trip had become monotonous. Magnus use to walk downtown waiting for the world to throw him something interesting. Though, he was never angry when it didn’t. Not at first. Now, Magnus walked with headphones in and he sat on the subway and listened to podcasts to pass the time. Later, at eight, he did the same thing and he barely even looked at anyone all day.

Recently though, something had caught Magnus’s interest. There was this man who sat on the subway every morning that Magnus did and every night. There were a lot of regulars who took the same stops that Magnus did. Some he saw just as much as this man.

Though, none of them had ever peaked Magnus’s interest as much as this man did. He couldn’t even say what it was about him that _called_ to Magnus. He looked beautiful; With crystal eyes and dark hair that cascaded around his cheek bones. He was _gorgeous._ Yet, Magnus met beautiful people all of them time and none of them had ever captivated him as much as this man did.

Then, there was how he acted. When Magnus looked around at everyone on the subway, he was met with gazes cast down and phones held tight in hands. Even Magnus himself rarely looked up and yet, the man sat there everyday and never pulled a phone out of his pocket. He never ate anything, he never arrived with a coffee cup in his hands, he never fiddled with anything around him. He just sat there.

Then, Magnus noticed that he wore the same thing every day. It wasn’t an unusual choice of outfit. He wore a blue sweater and dark jeans with a pair of torn ratty converse. At first, Magnus thought that maybe he just had a bunch of the same outfit but when he started paying attention, he noticed that it was the same exact clothes every single day without fail. He never changed. He never wore something different. Not even once.

Magnus watched the man on the subway for weeks, until he finally decided that he was going to talk to him. He wasn’t even sure what he was expecting to get out of the encounter. He wasn’t hoping that the man would be interested in him, though he certainly wouldn’t reject the attention. He wasn't even hoping that they would become friends. He was just looking for answers. He just wanted to talk to him, once. He just wanted to ask him how his day was and where he was headed to one time, just to prove that he was real. Just to prove that he was a real person that Magnus was seeing everyday.

It was raining that day. The whole of New York was drowning as sheets of rain poured from the sky. Even with an umbrella, Magnus arrived at the subway station soaked.  People who stepped out from their cars and ran the few brief moments inside, were soaked as well. There was no avoiding the rain, no matter the usual precautions that normally helped.

When Magnus stepped onto the subway train, his hair was a mess and he was sure that his makeup was running down his face, no matter if it was waterproof. He wasn’t thinking about the man when he stepped on. He hadn’t even crossed Magnus’s mind all morning. He’d been too absorbed in his own problems, in trying to stay dry and becoming endlessly frustrated when he couldn’t.

But when Magnus stepped through the doors and caught the sight of the man sitting there, in the same place that he had everyday before, Magnus froze. He felt the cold chill of something akin to panic run down his spine. Magnus risked a quick look at everyone one else on the subway. Everyone was soaked. Every single person. Every person except the man.

Someone behind him shoved Magnus forward when he didn’t keep moving. He stumbled forward a few steps and froze there as everyone else moved around him. No one else was looking. No one else was staring at him and wondering _how._

Maybe, they didn’t care. Maybe, it was a stupid detail for Magnus to notice. Maybe, there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for why the man was completely dry and Magnus was just failing to see it but no one ever seemed to look at him, _ever._ Magnus couldn’t remember one time that he’d someone so much as even glance at the man. No one ever bumped into him and then apologized. No one ever bumped into him and then _failed_ to apologize. No one ever looked at him. No one ever glanced at him when they sat down next to him.

And even now, with Magnus standing in the center of the isle blatantly staring at the man, _gaping_ at him, he failed to look up.

The doors closed behind Magnus and Magnus straightened out suddenly, half stumbling to his normal seat across from the man. Every thought of trying to talk to him flew from Magnus’s mind. It was an unusually warm for a day in October filled with rain but Magnus was shivering in his seat, even with his jacket firmly wrapped around him.

Magnus trembled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, ignoring the smear of liquid that had somehow managed to get under his case. He swiped to the right and opened his camera, shaking even harder as he lifted his phone and pointed it at the man in front of him. Magnus wasn't even sure what he was trying to prove. He just needed _something._ He needed some proof than the man was real. Even just a photo. 

There was nothing there. Magnus stared frozen at the image on his screen, the imagine of empty seats before he slowly lowered his phone and looked at the man before him again. Magnus could _see_ him. He _was_ there but when Magnus glanced down at his phone, there was no one sitting in front of him.

When Magnus’s stop arrived, he stood frantically and almost fell outside on the the pavement. He turned to look at the train as it started moving again and for the first time, he saw the man move. He looked up at Magnus through the grimy window and the imagine of the man, staring at him haunted Magnus even that night, when he sat wrapped in his blankets safe at home.

Magnus didn’t use the subway for weeks. He paid every day and every night for a cab to take him where he needed to go but eventually, he had to stop. He couldn’t afford that everyday. Especially, when his reason for doing so was because of a man who sat with him on the subway.

Magnus tried to rationalize it. He tried to come up with any explanation for why he couldn’t see the man on his phone but there was nothing. There was no possible reason that Magnus could see him but his camera could not.

It was a trick of the light. Magnus was scared and he hadn’t see what he thought that he was seeing. The man looked up at him because Magnus had been pointing his camera at him and that was that.

Magnus knew that none of those explanations were true but he told himself them anyway because if not, he wouldn’t be able to deal with it.

Magnus walked onto the subway two full weeks after he had tried to take pictures of the man. Part of him hoped that when he walked on, the man would be gone. That maybe, he didn’t need to go wherever he normally went to in the morning and that his seat would be empty.

It wasn’t. The man was sitting there, wearing the same clothes that he always did, looking down exactly as he always did. Only, this time when Magnus stepped over the threshold of the platform, the man looked up at him.

He didn’t look angry or upset. He didn’t look _anything._ He just stared.

Bile rose in Magnus’s throat and he froze in the doorway for only a moment before pulling his bag closer and walking in. The man’s eyes followed every step that he took and when Magnus sat down next to him, he could see the man staring from the side of his vision. Magnus’s heart pounded in his chest. He could feel panic and terror and like he never had before. He wasn’t even sure what it was about the man that was scaring him. He wasn’t glaring at Magnus. He didn’t move to touch him or attack him but something about his eyes watching vacantly from the corner of Magnus’s vision scared Magnus like nothing ever had before.

Magnus looked over at him, slowly. His hand were trembling in his lap. If anyone had glanced over, they would have seen Magnus’s breath coming out hard and panicked.  

Magnus and the man locked eyes with each other. Magnus couldn’t hear anything other than his pounding heart. He couldn’t focus on anything other than man and for a few moments, it felt like it was only them on the subway train. It felt like they were completely alone and somehow, that feeling made Magnus panic even more.

Slowly, the man smiled. It wasn’t a friendly smile. It wasn’t a happy one. It was a slow, grim smile of someone who found pleasure in terrifying another person. He leaned forward, only a fraction of an inch, only a little bit closer to Magnus and he whispered, his cold breath brushing past Magnus’s cheeks as he did, his tone low and airy, “You shouldn’t be able to see me.”

Magnus’s jolted up from his seat. He gasped for air as he stumbled into the center of the aisle, holding frantically onto the bar above him. People looked up. Those around him looked up at watched him, confused and concern. Magnus's stop came a moment later and Magnus pushed people out of the way and ran into the subway station. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. He was scared that the man would be looking at him. He _knew_ that the man was looking at him.

 

Magnus didn’t go to work for the next couple of days. He couldn’t. The feeling of terror that had hit him when the man spoke hadn’t left him but eventually, he had to go back. Even if he was a mess and he was shaking and sweating cold, he had to go back.

The man was sitting where he always was and when Magnus stepped onto the train, he was already looking up at him, waiting. Magnus trembled as he walked over but then again, he hadn’t stopped trembling for days. His breath shook as he sat down next to him and Magnus tried, fleetingly to force his breath to come normally but it wouldn’t. It came in ragged pants that left Magnus gasping for more air.

This time, Magnus spoke first. His words shook and trembled audibly, showing how frightened Magnus was, as if him and the man both weren’t already aware. “Who are you?” It was a simple question but it was one that Magnus wasn’t even sure if he wanted the answer to. The words had already come from his throat though and he couldn’t take them back.

For a moment, Magnus thought that the man wasn’t going to answer him. He didn’t react. He just kept staring at Magnus with the same blank expression that he had since Magnus had stepped onto the train. Magnus looked over and met his eyes, trying to force down the wave of new panic in his chest.

Magnus stared for a long moment but the man still didn’t move. He just _stared._

Then, slowly, he smiled again. His mouth twisting into a deep gruesome grin. “My name was Alec.” He spoke quietly, his voice just as soft and airful as the breeze moving by them.

Magnus tried to ask him another question. He tried to ask why he was here and why only Magnus could see him but he didn’t speak again and then, they came to Magnus’s stop and Magnus walked off into the station without looking back.

He was there that night when Magnus got back on, just as Magnus knew that he would be. He didn’t speak the whole ride back and Magnus didn’t ask anything else. For some reason, he knew that he wasn’t going to get another answer today but they still sat next to each other and today, Magnus felt far calmer than he had for weeks.

They sat in still silence until Magnus arrived at his stop and got off.

 

That night, Magnus tried to look him up. He didn’t have much. He had a first name and a location that may or may not be relevant. He searched the name, ‘Alec’, the subway station, the exact route that Magnus saw him on. He came back with nothing. Magnus had been hoping that he’d find something but not finding anything almost felt like a relief. If he found a death certificate or an article talking about him, that would be proof of what was going on. Without it though, Magnus could still rationalize it. He could still pretend that somehow what was happening made sense, even if he knew that it didn’t.

 

Magnus didn’t panic when he found Alec already looking at him when he stepped on the next morning. His heart quickened in his chest and Magnus felt adrenaline run through his body but he didn’t panic, not like he did last time.

There was something eerie about Alec, something dark and horrifying that Magnus couldn’t quite place his finger on. It was impossible not to feel it, especially when Magnus sat down next to him but.. He didn’t feel like it was directed at him.

Maybe, that was stupid. Maybe, Magnus was stupid for not turning around and running. Maybe, Alec was just waiting until Magnus felt comfortable, so that he could strike but.. Magnus didn’t think that he was. He felt, for whatever reason, that Alec wasn’t going to hurt him and as the days went on and Magnus sat with him time and time again, Magnus felt more confident about this prediction.

As the days went on, Magnus and Alec talked more and more. No one around them every seemed notice. No one ever questioned why Magnus was speaking to himself or looked at him weird. It seemed that when Magnus sat with him, he was just as unnoticed as the man himself was.

Sometimes, they would carry a full conversation. Magnus would tell Alec about his job and his friends and Alec would ask questions. Sometimes, Alec spoke of his life. He told Magnus about his siblings and his family. Then, sometimes, Alec would barely react the whole time that Magnus sat with him.  

It was those days that Magnus dread. No matter what Magnus did, it just seemed like Alec was lost somewhere else. He would stare, almost like he had the first time Magnus had seen him only this close, Magnus could see something in his gaze that he hadn’t before. It was sadness.

Magnus would talk to him anyway and try to tell him about lighthearted things, hoping that maybe some part of Alec could hear him and it would help. It never seemed too but Magnus kept doing it anyway.

 

Magnus started writing down the information that he got about Alec. He never pressed for it. He never asked but as they spoke, Magnus gathered more and more information that might help him, when he searched for him online. So far, his list went like so, _‘Alec- Possibly a nickname. Three siblings: Izzy, Jace and Max. Bad relationship with parents. Talks about high school but doesn’t seem to talk about anything after. Didn’t seem to live past senior year.’_

It was a good amount of information. Though, most of it didn’t help Magnus look him up. The fact that he had a bad relationship with his parents didn’t help Magnus find him. The fact that he might have died in high school, around when he was eighteen, was more useful but it still didn’t give Magnus a year.

Then, Alec said something that Magnus knew was the key. He was talking about his parents, a topic that he rarely mentioned. He had scoffed and said lightly, “Though, the name Lightwood was all that mattered to them.” He didn't say anything else about it but Magnus knew that that was all he needed to find him. That had to be Alec’s last name and if there was anything about him online, that would make him find it.

 

There were over 5,020,000 results when Magnus searched, “Alec Lightwood, subway accident, New York,” but there was one, three results down that made Magnus stop. It read, “Alexander Lightwood, dead after jumping onto subway tracks. Family in mourning.” Magnus clicked on the article.

Before he even read it, Magnus knew that he had found the right thing. There was a picture at the top of the article and it was undoubtedly the man that Magnus was talking to everyday. He looked brighter and happier in the picture. He was smiling at the camera. It was almost odd to see such a light hearted look on the man’s face.

Magnus read the rest of the article. It was obvious that Alec’s parents were very wealthy influential people because article spoke of Alec, only in reference to them. They spoke of Alec as, “Maryse and Robert Lightwood’s son,” First before mentioning his own name. They spoke of the tragedy of his death by discussing his parents absence at work.

Magnus learned what had happened though. Apparently, someone had outed Alec to his parents and then next day Alec had thrown himself onto the subway tracks and died. The article only spoke of this briefly and they framed Alec’s death as a result of an, “Unaccepting society.” Knowing the way that Alec spoke of them though, it wasn’t hard to make the leap that his death had been because of his parents.

Magnus also realized something else: He worked with Alec’s sister. She was the owner of the museum that Magnus translated and appraised items for. They were friendly towards each other and Magnus had actually gone to one of her parties a week before he started seeing Alec, though they obviously weren’t close enough for Magnus to have known about her brother.

Magnus didn’t bring it up for a couple of days but when he did, he instantly regretted it. It was a good day. Alec was really talkative. It wasn’t one of the days that he barely spoke and so, Magnus thought that maybe it was a good time to mentioned it. He wasn’t even sure what he was expecting Alec to say but he just wanted Alec to know that he knew.

They both fell silent for a moment, resting comfortably in between topics when Magnus said, “I read about how you died.” Alec stilled next to him the second that he said it and when he didn’t respond, Magnus kept speaking. “About how you threw yourself onto the tracks.”

Alec didn’t speak much after that. He didn’t seem mad that Magnus brought it up. He simply seemed  _listless._ Finally, when they both knew that they were approaching Magnus’s stop, Magnus asked, “Why can I see you?”

Alec responded quietly, “I don’t know.”

Magnus didn’t mention it again for the next couple of weeks. There was nothing else to say about it. Until, finally, Magnus thought that he figured it out.

 

Magnus fiddled with the strap on his work bag, speaking without looking up, “I think I know why I can see you.”

Alec didn’t respond for a moment. He looked over at Magnus and stilled completely, his wide eyes staring from the corner of Magnus’s vision. Slowly, he asked, “Why?”

It was stupid. It was a stupid thought but the second that it had occurred to him, he couldn’t shake it. He knew, deep inside that it was correct even if he felt stupid trying to say it. “I work with your sister, Isabelle.” Magnus looked up at Alec and met his eyes. “I went to her party right before I started seeing you for the first time. I..” Magnus looked away and shook his head softly, “I met your brother Jace and Max too..” Magnus trailed off.

Alec didn’t speak. Magnus knew that Alec didn’t know where Magnus was going with this. It was a leap. It was a big leap. “I just- I feel like if you hadn’t.. If you hadn’t died, then I would have met you that night too.” Silence fell over them. That wasn’t an unrealistic thought. Magnus would have met Alec that night. If he had been alive. “Then.. I started seeing you a couple of days later.”

Alec spoke next to him. His voice was soft but Magnus could hear the edge of anger in it. He didn’t like it when Magnus brought up his death. “So?”

“Well, I just..” Magnus looked up at Alec and frowned, “I just feel like maybe I can see you because.. Because if you had been alive.. Perhaps, we would have been something to each other..”

For a moment, Magnus didn’t think that Alec was going to respond but after a while, he whispered, “Oh..”

Magnus took a deep breath and shrugged. “I mean- Maybe, that's not it but-”

Alec cut him off, softly, “No that makes sense..” He chuckled humorlessly, “You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever met. I certainly would have been interested in you.”

Neither of them spoke for a long moment and then, they arrived at Magnus’s stop and Magnus got up and stepped off of the train. He turned around and looked through the windows and watched Alec as he stared back at him, until he was completely out of sight.

When Magnus stepped back onto the train that day, Alec was there but he was silent and gone.

 

They continued that way for a while. Magnus and Alec sat on the subway together every day. They spoke of their dreams and Magnus told Alec about his week and his job. They rarely spoke of Alec's death and what Magnus had said but they had both accepted it as the truth. It was the only thing that made sense. It was the only thing that explained how drawn Magnus was to Alec and how utterly connected they were.

Though, Alec asked once, quiet enough that it almost seemed as if he didn’t want Magnus to hear him, “What do you think we would have been to each other? If I had lived?”

Magnus didn’t answer him for a long moment. It was something that he had thought about a lot himself. It was something that haunted him, late at night when he went to sleep feeling utterly alone. “I think.. That we would have been soulmates.” It was a cheesy thing to say but it was the truth. The word 'lovers' didn't sum up how Magnus felt. Saying that he thought they would have dated didn't fit either. He didn't think that they would have been lovers. He didn't think that they would have dated. He thought that him Alec would have been soulmates and it didn't matter if that was unrealistic to speak out load, it was the truth and it was the only way to explain it.

Magnus didn’t look over and neither of them said anything again but Magnus reached out and took Alec’s hand into his.

They sat that way, their hands clutching each other, until Magnus reached his stop and dropped Alec's hand to walk away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on the prompt, "You finally build enough courage to talk to that cute someone you see everyday on the bus. Their face turns dark as they respond 'You shouldn’t be able to see me.'" From 'writing-prompt-s' on tumblr.


End file.
